i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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