you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
