I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
