First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize