I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
50% drunk capacity currently
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
