3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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