He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
