I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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