I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
