Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
