Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize