i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
