Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
