That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
