If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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