Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
