I'm going to jail i love you
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
