Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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