it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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