problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize