I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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