I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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