I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
