oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize