just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
