If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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