Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
