if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
