that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
