my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
