I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
there is glitter all over my balls
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