and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
