look no pants
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
