people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
