Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
