Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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