Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
