she kept yelling 'call me bella'
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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