woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
