I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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