I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
