I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
