dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That was before I lit my hair on fire
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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