i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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