ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
