We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
this hospital has no fireball
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
