what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
