are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
