Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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