Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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