I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize