And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
