I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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