Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
