We're like a lot better than the average bears
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
