I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
