I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
