K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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