My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
