The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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