He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
