I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
