I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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