his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
