We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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