You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
