So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
