I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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