i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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