How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
