you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
