Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
