Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
