I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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