just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
