i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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