so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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