I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
